too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
