I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
