Are we in a gay sports bar?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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