you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
