When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
