My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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