Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
