"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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