Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize