This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
