Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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