Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize