I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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