Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
