why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
