you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
