Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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