I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
