You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
