i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
