she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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