Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
