WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
