News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize