I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
