I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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