I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
