We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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