Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
