i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize