we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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