I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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