that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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