It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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