I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
