he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
