Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
