You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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