I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
