I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
