it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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