It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
