We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
