i think my tv is drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize