Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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