We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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