I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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