how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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