when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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