lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
