We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
