I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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