I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
