Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
