just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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