My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
