dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize