There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
