you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
