You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He? As in you personified your dick?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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