addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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