i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
