chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
