i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
