Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
