it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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