Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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