She announced her abortion via fbk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
