With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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