there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
