"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
