There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
