She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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