you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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