My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you had me at cake vodka
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
