I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
