Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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