My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize