were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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