I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Green mimosas i think yes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize