my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
