You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
