Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
