I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
