Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
