I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
