so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
