I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize