Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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