Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
