so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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