I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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