I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
