i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
