Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize