End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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