I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
