How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize