I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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