she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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