I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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