friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
