i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
