i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
