So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
