do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
