I just threw up on my dentist
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so much tequila, so little girl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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