even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
