for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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