the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
