how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
