Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize