she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
